The girls holiday is something most of us will do in our lives. Whether its for a birthday, a hen do or a school reunion, its a rite of passage and can build lifelong memories for your friendship groups.
As we get older and life gets in the way, annual holidays can be one of the only times you get to spend any real, extended quality time with your close group of friends. A trip away can be an invaluable source of bonding, helping you reform connections and remember the fun of your childhood or university days.
But female friendships are complex. Throw that complexity on a plane, with a million obstacles over money, planning and adapting to foreign cultures – and your dream trip could easily turn into stressful nightmare.
Operating in a large group can be challenging. When youve spent a lot of money on a trip, and everyone has different agendas, tempers can flare and arguments can spark. If you leave it unchecked, the tone of the holiday could easily turn sour, resentful or passive aggressive.
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I just returned from a trip of a lifetime to Las Vegas. Ten of my closest pals and I packed our bags full of sequins, glitter and perspex heels, and jumped on a plane. The holiday was in honour of a few of us celebrating a birthday… lets just say it was a big birthday.
In the run up, I was nervous. The trip had been my idea and everyone was paying hundreds to be there – I wanted it to be perfect, and I had no idea what to expect.
I had never travelled with a group of that size before and I was worried about how we would all get on. In smaller groups, I have the best time with all of them, but all together – for five days – I didnt know how everyone would interact.
It turns out my fears were completely unfounded. We had the time of our lives. Ridiculous nights out, fantastic days by the pool, endless laughter – I feel closer to all of them than ever before.
But it could have so easily gone the other way. The perfect girls trip takes planning, flexibility and some seriously chilled out attitudes. Here are our top tips to avoid the drama and create a girls trip youll remember for all the right reasons:
Choose wisely
If youre planning the trip, dont forget that you have an element of choice. Choosing carefully whos going to come along can make a world of difference.
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For example, dont invite the girl from uni who fell out with all your home friends that Christmas.
It might be wise not to invite someone who doesnt know anyone else whos coming on the trip – they could end up clinging to you, or feeling totally isolated.
Its also probably a good idea to avoid those really fiery personalities. If youve got a mate who always starts a fight after two glasses of prosecco – leave her at home.
Delegate tasks
Planning a trip for a big group of people takes some serious work. And the bigger the group, the more admin youll have to do. Booking dinners, day trips, hotels, flights and everything else, is a huge job and cant fall to one person. Otherwise they will likely get over-stressed and start feeling resentful.
Share the load when it comes to organising. Make it one persons job to make restaurant reservations, another could book the day trips and someone else could be in charge of printing all the documents.
Splitting up these tasks gives everyone a chance to feel involved in planning and makes sure it doesnt become overwhelming for any one person.
Dont over-plan
Theres nothing worse than feeling like you have no time for yourself. If you forget to schedule in down-time, your trip can quickly start to feel more like a boot camp than a relaxing vacation.
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Obviously all groups are different, some will want to see all the sites and others with want to sit by the pool. Its important to feel like you have a choice and that not every second of the trip has already been allocated.
Holidays are expensive and leave from work is scarce, when people actually get to go on holiday they want to have some choice in what they do with that time. Having an afternoon with nothing planned can be the perfect time to relax and let people do exactly what they want.
How to avoid arguments
Listen to each other
Nothing is more of a turn off than talking to someone who refuses to hear what you have to say, trust me there is always one in a group holiday.
My advice is make sure you are not guilty of this by listening to what your friends have to say, after all they are wanting to share this holiday with you.
You dont have to like their choices and you dont need to agree on everything. However, both parties can learn a lot if they remain civil and are willing to consider what the other is saying.
Discuss what you want to do on the holiday, and what everyone else wants to do. Dont make the whole conversation about you, remember its a group holiday.
Remain calm
Dont act like a child and throw a temper tantrum if something annoys you, its not an effective way to make your point as an adult, no matter how angry or hurt you may be. And its a quick way to ruin a great holiday.
If you feel your blood pressure rising, or tears about to escape, excuse yourself and go somewhere quiet to compose yourself. This doesnt mean you have to be made of stone, or not express your emotions, but there is a time and place for everything, and under the influence of alcohol is not a good time.
Pay attention
These people are your friends and you want to treat them with the same respect you would hope for in return. As a group, discuss the holiday rules; bringing people back to the apartment, how you are going to split costs, sleeping arrangements etc. If this is done before you leave then the holiday will go a lot more smoothly.
Talking about saftey is of high priority – you need to look out for one another and try to avoid anyone being left on their own. Talk about the importance of communication and letting others know your whereabouts if you choose to go off.
And remember – youll never be able to please everyone, so give up trying. Let people who dont like your choices have their own opinion, its their view point not a fact, and it doesnt need to ruin the trip.
Lianne Young, Relationship expert
Have alternative options
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In any friendship group youre always going to have the party-animal and the home-bird, the thrill-seeker and the introvert – there are no activities that are going to please everyone all the time.
To get around this, its useful to provide different options, such as this afternoon we an either try the bungee jump, or read quietly on the beach. Making it clear to people that nothing is mandatory is a great way to remove anxiety and tension.
Most people are flexible and willing to compromise to an extent, but if theres something that people just dont want to do, there has to be an alternative. That can be key in helping to maintain a positive vibe.
Spend time with each other
Although time to yourself is really important, the whole point of the girls holiday is to spend time with your best friends. Make sure youre spending time all together – even if its just sitting in each others hotel rooms, or eating dinner as a group.
Inevitably, bigger groups will break down into smaller ones, and this can be really useful for the trip, but spending time with everyone can be really fun – and how often do you get to sit around the table with all of your best mates at the same time? Its the perfect way to bond and solidify your friendship.
Do a tester trip
Before committing to flying halfway around the world with each other, why not try a smaller trip to test the water?
A day trip to Paris or a weekend staycaytion in the countryside could be just the thing you need to spot any potential problems or tensions.
It could be that it goes so well you book your flights to Australia then and there. Or you could dissolve into fights and tears after three hours. That would suck – but at least you would only be in Devon and not stranded 26 hours from home.
Perfect planning tips
- As a group, roughly agree on what youre looking for – dates and budget are key as they have the potential to dictate who can and cant go, then other things like possible destination, type of board and accommodation.
- Remember that the whole group is paying for the holiday – giving everyone a stake in how its put together will set things off on the right foot. That said, once theres a general consensus, nominate a group leader. Ideally it will be someone with experience of the intricacies of group travel. Not having a clear group leader really drags out the process and decreases the likelihood that the group will find something that they all agree on.
- A sure-fire way of racking up the excitement levels, building a strong consensus and increasing the likelihood of a successful holiday is by giving the party options to choose from. But remember, clearly defined options are more likely to promote a positive outcome than badly researched ones!
- Choose a travel company that will allow you to split the bill between the group – payment pains are the cause of most issues in groups. Nobody wants to chase their friends for money!
- The planning doesnt stop when the travel and accommodation is booked, for a truly successful group trip, do some research on the destination. The group will love you if you can fall straight into a great bar or restaurant after a long journey.
Tom Pain, Travel expert, CEO, My Swft
Introduce friends who dont know each other
Different friendship groups can always be a bit tricky to combine. You have your school friends, your uni friends, your work friends and a load of other random mates – all with different in-jokes and personalities.
If youre the glue holding all the groups together it can be a bit of a strain – you might not even realise how different you are with different friends until your worlds collide.
The best thing to do is introduce these different groups before you go away. If possible, organise a dinner or a night out with the different groups – that way, when you get on holiday everyone will already have met each other and it takes the pressure of the linchpin of the groups.
Holidays can be make or break. The total escapism of being abroad and away from the normality of life can be the perfect environment for relationships to flourish, or it can heighten tensions and push people to the limit.
Ultimately, if your core friendship group is solid, youre probably going to have an amazing time. Sunshine, frozen margaritas and tequila shots are the perfect recipe for a good time.
If your holiday ended in fraught conversations, fights and drama – maybe the friendship was already in trouble to begin with.
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